things i wish i could tell her

dear Mikisa,

5 days ago you had the most drastic brain surgery imaginable.  we were so scared about how things would be when you woke up.  we didn’t know what to expect.  but, just like so many times before, you have surpassed everyone’s expectations.  you have shown us what it means to be courageous.  what it looks like to be brave.

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you have been so peaceful through your recovery, never complaining and never acting upset.  the only way we know you’re in pain is when a single tear finds it way down your cheek.  and seeing you cry like that breaks my heart in pieces.  but overall you have told us you are okay and that you are not in pain, so we are thankful for that.  i want you to know that it is okay to cry and tell me you are mad.  you have every right to be frustrated and scared and angry.  i hope this didn’t break all the trust you had in us.  i hope you know how much you are loved.

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you have shown us your determined spirit in beautiful ways these past few days.  i have seen that look of stubborn drive when we get you up and make you walk.  your legs are so weak and your balance is really off right now, but we believe that you are an overcomer and you will learn to walk again really soon!  i know you don’t really want to say much, and that’s okay.  i understand that you just need time to rest.  i just miss your funny jokes and your sweet repetitive songs.  please come back to us little girl!

the doctors say that you are doing really well.  they said that the surgery went just as they expected and that your recovery is right on track.  but they don’t know you like we do, so they don’t feel the same pain that we feel seeing you so withdrawn and sad and quiet.  they don’t feel the sting of losing 3 years of incredibly hard work in therapy.  it feels so hard right now, and so unfair.  but one thing i am learning is that God really does answer prayers.  He has protected you, sweet one.  He is faithful and trustworthy.  so today we are putting our hope in Him.  He will help us get through this.  He loves us.

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i hope you know that you have so many people who love you so much.  to think that you used to be so alone…now you have a whole team of people who love you and care deeply about you.  you have doctors, nurses, surgeons, teachers, assistants, school therapists, private therapists, family, and lots of friends.  i hope you feel surrounded in love.

hugs and kisses,

mommy

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4 responses to “things i wish i could tell her

  1. Continuing to pray. Praying for God’s strength for you all to bravely walk through this and faithfully notice HIS hand leading and steadying you along each step.

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