in just over a month, on November 19th, Mikisa will have brain surgery. i am still shocked at those words. how can this be happening? i have to remind myself to breathe. i never imagined i would have a child who needed brain surgery…and the most drastic one at that. it makes me panic every time i actually think about what they are going to be doing…brain surgery is big and scary. living with 1/2 a brain seems impossible. this is our precious daughter they will be operating on. and she doesn’t have a clue. how are we going to explain this to her? when did we become grownups who have the power to say yes to such a life-altering decision? the weight of it feels so painfully heavy. my heart breaks in pieces again at the thought of my sweet girl suffering more after all she has been through.
Mikisa has been having seizures her whole life…almost 9 years. her seizures have been very detrimental to her development in all areas, and without this surgery her prognosis is grim. we feel peace that this is the best option for her. really, it is our only option since she has failed multiple medications and despite being on heavy drugs, her seizures continue to assault her brain. we pray to God that we have chosen the right path and that He will protect her and give us strength to face the surgery and the recovery process. we know it will be so hard. we know that we will feel fear, anxiety, doubt and new waves of grief. even now, my mind wanders and i have so many questions: will she be okay? will she ever run again? will she still have her beautiful smile or will it be crooked because of facial paralysis? will her vision get worse? how far will she regress? will we be back to where we started 3 years ago? will we see a noticeable difference long term? will we regret this decision? Lord, give us strength! there are so many complications and risks from this procedure, and it is terrifying to think about them so i try not to. right now, we’re just holding on to the hope that is in front of us. i am trying to remind myself to fix my eyes on Jesus, just like Peter when he stepped out onto the water. i keep telling myself, “DON’T LOOK DOWN!”