this mothers’ day i am thankful for my two sweet daughters who have given me the gift of motherhood. such a rich and vibrant journey it is. so beautiful and so hard at the same time. sometimes, it feels like chaos and i have to remind myself to just breathe and get through the day. other times, it’s like soaring high above the clouds. mostly, it’s messy and real and brings out all the good and bad i never knew was inside of me. and so it’s also full of grace. motherhood reveals flaws. it breaks me open. makes me vulnerable and dependent on God.
i became a mother very unexpectedly on the streets of uganda. one moment, i was a single, fiercely independent world traveler. the next moment, i was a mom. just like that. my heart was shattered and whole at the same time. the void i never knew was there had suddenly been filled by a scrawny five year old who trembled in my arms from fear of human touch. she didn’t know how much she needed a mom and i didn’t know how much she would change my life. we were both so broken that all we could do is hold on to each other. we cried together and sat in the dirt, not knowing how to start this journey. and then we fought for her life. she was so sick, and i was so scared. but we slowly let ourselves be changed by love.
and then i had a whole new taste of motherhood when my second daughter was born. the wonder of new life growing inside my body for nine months. the intense pain of labor and delivery followed by the incredible flooding of love i felt for her. the simplicity of caring for a newborn straight from the arms of God who hasn’t yet been tainted by this world…such a vastly different kind of mothering. i am thankful for my second daughter’s call to grace. how she helps me remember that it’s not about keeping the house clean or doing the dishes or always having home-cooked meals ready. it’s about being there…just showing up when they need me and being present for both of them. she reminds me to slow down and snuggle more. to breathe in the moments because my are they fleeting. to soak up the precious middle of the night feedings even when i feel so tired i can barely keep my eyes open. she looks up at me with eyes full of trust and love and dependence and makes me realize that being a mother is an incredible privilege.
with all my imperfections and shortcomings, i get to be mom to these two beauties. and i couldn’t be more thankful for the gift that they are. i am thankful that i get to help guide them through this life. i am thankful for the love we share.
This Love by Mandi Mapes I’ve never felt this way before funny how you found you’re way to my door suddenly my prayers are coming true these arms are not letting go of you this love this love is the deep kind you’re my baby, you’re my sunshine I’ll hold your hand, be your biggest fan and I’ll love you all of the time our eyes are not quite the same shade and your hair blows in the wind a different way but I am your mother and I love you just the same so I’ll take your hand honey you can take my name my heart has been redeemed, adopted and now I know my Father this grace that I’ve received I want to show you this love this love is the deep kind it hangs on through the storm and the sunshine I’ll hold your hand, be your biggest fan I’ll love you all of the time