if i could rewind time

sometimes, i wish i could rewind time and give Mikisa another chance to have a different beginning. to be desired.  wanted.  i wish i could give her that start.  i wish i could have smelled her newborn scent and touched her soft baby skin and cradled her in my arms while she fell asleep.  i wish i could have felt her dainty fingers and played with her chubby toes.  i wish i could have nursed her and heard her first cry.  i wish i could have seen her first little smile.

i wish her past wasn’t so full of brokenness.

it hurts my heart, especially now that i have a tiny new life growing inside me, to know that she was not anticipated with this same joy and hope.  that right from the start, she was unwanted.  that this neglect eventually lead to her getting so very sick that it almost killed her.  and that she was abandoned as a toddler.

oh, if only she had been loved.  i imagine her as a schoolgirl skipping down the red dirt roads of uganda, holding her mama’s hand.  she would be singing.  she would have rhythm in her step.  she would walk tall with the knowledge that she had always belonged to someone.

but, the thing is, one of the reasons Mikisa’s story is beautiful is because of how God redeemed her from this brokenness.  how her fragmented heart is becoming whole.  how the shreds of her previous existence are now being woven into a masterpiece.  so even though i can’t turn back time and make it better, we have each other now and that is a priceless gift.

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2 responses to “if i could rewind time

  1. Christina, you have such a beautiful heart and God has used both you and Troy in amazing measures to enhance Mikisa’s life immensely. Oh how beautiful you all are in Christ’s eyes. Thank you for being such an amazing wife to my brother, mom to mikisa and addition to our family. Your posts bless me so much!

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