a mosquito bite and perspective

some days i get angry.  it’s hard not to when i am constantly reminded by specialists and therapists of the “gravity” and “severity” of Mikisa’s diagnosis.  recently i learned that all of her disabilities most likely had one cause: a mosquito bite.  it’s unbelievable  that something so small…a pesky, buzzing mosquito has caused a plethora of physical, mental and emotional challenges for my daughter.  it’s infuriating when i stop and think about it.  this mosquito bite, when Mikisa was just a tiny baby, caused cerebral malaria, which caused her to go into a coma for over a week, and then suffer a stroke which left the entire right side of her brain permanently damaged.  this stroke has in turn has resulted in multiple physical and intellectual disabilities.

when we’re in the thick of behavior challenges with ongoing bouts of rage, significant food issues, power struggles, and defiance, i sometimes often lose perspective and get angry.  i question God and wonder why all this had to happen to Mikisa.  and then i wonder why He called me to her when i wasn’t even looking to adopt.  i remember with nostalgia my days of freedom.  where i ran wild and did what i wanted.  i get bogged down by the paperwork, the appointments, the physical complications, the emotional issues, and fear about the future.  i think about my little girl’s body and wonder if she will ever be able to do the things that her peers can do.  i think about her heart and wonder if she will ever be able to trust.  and it makes me sad.

but, this is not the end.  i am learning to be a mom just like Mikisa is learning to be a daughter.  i am learning to accept that some things in life are just hard and that we don’t always need an explanation for everything.  God knows.  He created Mikisa just the way she is and He delights in her.  He knew that i need her as much as she needs me.  He hears our prayers.  He renews our strength.  He is still faithful.  He is still good.

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4 responses to “a mosquito bite and perspective

  1. Sitting here in tears. I KNOW God is going to surprise and amaze you with the rest of this story. Keep praising Him sister, for it makes all of the heavens watch in awe and God himself move on your behalf. His plan Will meet all the deepest desires of your heart. I love you.

  2. I love what Lana said! Your struggle and Mikisa’s is designed for God’s glory to shine……I am praying for the needed encouragement and comfort in the middle of it all – that you will feel God’s arms tight around you. What about a day off of the “work” of it all, and come on up to the lake (a roadtrip!) and have some fun together – might be just what the doctor ordered. I’m not afraid of a little rage, food issues, defiance, or power struggles! After 3 kids, bring it on! 🙂 Just sayin’……….you are welcome.

    xoxoxo

  3. Christina, you are experiencing such a stretching soul-
    expanding journey. I encourage you in your honesty and grappling with the tough questions, it always leads back to God’s mystery. We are experiencing some simliar struggles as we seek answers and treatment for our 14 year old daughter, Marilla, who has been fighting a malignant brain tumor for a year and a half. She is remaining strong and with trust that God is in control.It is draining at times and keeps us relying on Gods promises in trust.I have to keep not looking too far ahead. I have appreciated your ” notes from a dreamer.” Like you said,” God knows. He hears our prayers. He renews our strength. He is still faithful. He is still good.” We experience the same.
    With love…..Beth

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