some days i get angry. it’s hard not to when i am constantly reminded by specialists and therapists of the “gravity” and “severity” of Mikisa’s diagnosis. recently i learned that all of her disabilities most likely had one cause: a mosquito bite. it’s unbelievable that something so small…a pesky, buzzing mosquito has caused a plethora of physical, mental and emotional challenges for my daughter. it’s infuriating when i stop and think about it. this mosquito bite, when Mikisa was just a tiny baby, caused cerebral malaria, which caused her to go into a coma for over a week, and then suffer a stroke which left the entire right side of her brain permanently damaged. this stroke has in turn has resulted in multiple physical and intellectual disabilities.
when we’re in the thick of behavior challenges with ongoing bouts of rage, significant food issues, power struggles, and defiance, i
sometimes often lose perspective and get angry. i question God and wonder why all this had to happen to Mikisa. and then i wonder why He called me to her when i wasn’t even looking to adopt. i remember with nostalgia my days of freedom. where i ran wild and did what i wanted. i get bogged down by the paperwork, the appointments, the physical complications, the emotional issues, and fear about the future. i think about my little girl’s body and wonder if she will ever be able to do the things that her peers can do. i think about her heart and wonder if she will ever be able to trust. and it makes me sad.
but, this is not the end. i am learning to be a mom just like Mikisa is learning to be a daughter. i am learning to accept that some things in life are just hard and that we don’t always need an explanation for everything. God knows. He created Mikisa just the way she is and He delights in her. He knew that i need her as much as she needs me. He hears our prayers. He renews our strength. He is still faithful. He is still good.