sorry for the delay in writing. honestly since getting back home to charlotte, life has been a blur of craziness. i haven’t been able to think straight. i’ve only had miniscule moments of remembering uganda: bargaining for food, riding on motorcycles with my 5-year-old yelling wildly, being quickly surrounded by children shouting “mzungu” and waiting [desperately] for prayers to be answered. walking past children living on the streets and children dying of starvation and disease. feeling powerless. unable to change any of it. well, other than the one life that God had shown me so clearly was my responsibility. my little love…the one i can’t imagine living without. my daughter.
now, driving in my honda civic with Mikisa strapped safely in her purple carseat, music turned all the way up and stoplights working like clockwork, i breathe in and out and try to fathom how this came to be. how i am a mom now in this city which knew me as a wildly independent 20-something-year-old-without-much-of-a-purpose. i still go to many of the same places [with her in tow]. it just feels different now. i have a lot more perspective and i see things through different eyes. i get lots of looks and stares and questions. but there are smiles instead of the glaring scowls. kind strangers commenting on how beautiful mikisa is. no questions on why i have her or whether or not i produced her. i sit in attorneys’ offices again, but these are clean with cushioned chairs and walls lined with textbooks. they offer me drinks and type their notes on a laptop. in silence. there is no guessing in this part of the process and a lot less anxiety. i wait in line at doctors’ offices and immigration offices, but when my number is called i am attended to. like clockwork. and i don’t have to pay in a separate building and come back. i appreciate that more now.
most of all i am overwhelmed by the kindness and love from the people in my life. we have experienced a shower of blessings. being blessed so i can bless others. it is truly amazing how so many have come together to help with this mother-daughter union. how many care about the details and want to smooth the transition with such grace. i am deeply thankful and forever moved. so i’m trying to breathe. to sit back and take it in. remember the place that changed me. the Love that redeemed.
love. our lives transformed because of it. so many new beginnings. answered prayers. being known and cherished. just over a week ago, the man of my dreams asked me to marry him. he promised his love to me just as the sun was setting over the blue ridge mountains. it was a magical moment that i will never forget. i am so incredibly blessed to have a companion to walk through life with. to shoulder these burdens with me and to share the deep joy. this is to live fully. it doesn’t get sweeter than this. oh God how you have moved in our lives this year! thank You for your unwavering love and faithfulness. thank You for showing me that by letting everything go and following You, life becomes so much better. You have plans beyond our wildest expectations.
thankfully, no one has asked me “how was uganda?” the truth is, i could never answer how eight months of my life was in a simple sentence. i am still wrapping my head around how my life has been so drastically transformed. how uganda broke me open. and how i’m back here now trying to figure out what just happened. totally overwhelmed by His goodness in my life. totally in awe of what He continues to do. and totally in love.
**update on sweet Meems:
Mikisa is doing so much better than i had envisioned. she is taking it all in with eyes wide open. she definitely gets easily overwhelmed and over-stimulated. but so do i. so i get it, and i’m trying to be sensitive to that. we have a somewhat-structured routine that is helping her significantly. she asks to go “binning” (swimming) about 50 times a day…and it’s definitely her favorite activity! she also has a new interest in cars and blocks. she still loves singing, drumming and dancing. so we do that a lot. she loves her daddy and her uncle and all mama’s friends. she’s made some new little friends and tries really hard not to push them or hit when she gets excited. her verbal skills are improving daily, and i can’t wait to get her started with a speech therapist. we went to a pediatrician and we’ve been referred to a bunch of specialists, so i know what we’re going to be doing for the next few months. i got a job working as a care provider for a 17-year-old with cerebral palsy, and the family said that i could bring meems to work until she’s ready to go back to school. so that is a huge blessing, and i am looking forward to getting started soon.