go time

a lot has gone down since i last wrote.  i have experienced a chaotic whirlwind of emotions.  very strong. very real.  the details involving the adoption process have to be kept strictly confidential, but i will say that it has all but knocked the life out of me.  just when i think things are coming together, something else slaps me across the face.  i have felt weak, vulnerable and sick to my stomach.  i have felt alone.  i have felt fear.  fear that grips me around the neck and threatens to strangle the breath out of my gasping lungs.  fear that cripples my heart and makes me doubt everything that is real.

so i have cried out to God.  pleaded with him through my desperate prayers.  walked in a daze through these moments, sighing in confusion to this King of the universe.  hot tears on my face as i think of what could happen.  what i could lose.  yes, i have prayed hard, but i had very little faith.  little hope that He would hear my cries.  i did not believe enough in His power.  in the last few days, He has shown up in mighty ways.  He has shown me that He still performs miracles in our lives.  He is still merciful, loving and just.  and I am humbled by the good things He is doing in my life right now.  His grace is abundant.

no one thought there was a chance of me getting a court date before late september or october.  we prayed for it, but i thought it was totally out of the question.  miraculously, i was granted a date for this wednesday!  so tomorrow i go to court to pursue legal guardianship for my little M.  i am petrified, nervous and excited.  while i know that God has every detail in His hands, i can’t seem to make this heart-gripping fear dissipate.  after months of preparation and waiting, the day has finally come to go before a judge and fight for my girl.

many of you have asked how you can help bring M home.  i appreciate your thoughtfulness more than i can say.  in the past few weeks i have really experienced the power of prayer.  i ask that you continue to pray for me and M during this time of transition.  please pray for me especially tomorrow.  pray that God softens the judge’s heart and that he can see how much i love M.  pray for an immediate, positive ruling.  if all goes well and we get a favorable ruling, we should be home in Charlotte on August 5th.  (i am also still waiting on USCIS approval to travel with M). please pray that God would use the next days and weeks to prepare our hearts for this huge change.  although i am really excited about returning to the states, it will be a challenging time for both of us while we adjust to our new life as a family of 2.

i have been so blessed with the financial support i’ve received through this process.  it’s been incredible how many people have given to help with this adoption.  i can’t say how thankful i am.  that being said, i still need an estimated $4,500 to pay for my lawyer fees here in Uganda, court fees, travel, immigrant visa, M’s passport, post-placement requirements with my home study agency and going to court in the states to finalize the adoption. it is very difficult for me to be asking for help [again] and i believe that God is using this experience to humble me…so that i can live lower and experience the power of His love in such tangible ways.  i know that giving one child a home and a family may seem insignificant when there are still millions and millions of orphans and unwanted children in the world. but this little girl means the world to me.  she is chosen and dearly loved.  God lead us together and has used her to change my heart and my life.  she is valuable to Him and to me.  she will always be His precious daughter.  thank you for your support and generosity for me and M!  i am so grateful to be part of a true community of believers as well as such an incredible network of adoptive families.  you all are such a blessing to us!  i’ll post an update later this week…

*donations can be made through paypal (by clicking the link at the top right corner of my blog) or by mailing a check to my home address in charlotte: 2429 Amber Creste Lane, Charlotte, NC 28212.  Thank you!!

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